How to travel in India without losing your fucking mind

Don’t expect a correct response to your question – In Indian culture, it is considered rude or embarrassing to not know the answer when asked. For example, if you ask someone where the train station is, they’ll say just down the road and to the left. This might be completely wrong but to save face the person will respond with complete confidence. We employ the “Ask three Indians” rule – if two responses are similar, it’s probably legit.

Think of time as an abstract concept – This especially applies to transportation and business hours. The “time is money” outlook doesn’t seem to exist in India. Give yourself hours to complete the simplest task and don’t expect to be on a tight schedule.

Let go of your control issues – In India, you will not know what’s going on half of the time. Certain things will make absolutely no sense to your Western sensibilities. Breathe deeply and go with the flow.

Practice infinite patience – The bureaucracy surrounding everything here is unimaginable, whether it’s getting a cell phone, buying a train ticket or just checking in to a hotel You might have to provide a passport to use an Internet cafe, show your boarding pass to 10 different airport employees or spend 3 hours in line because each time you reach the front, you’re directed elsewhere. At these times, channel your internal Zen master and remember its just how things are.

Focus on traveling within a small area – India is fucking huge and there is shit to see everywhere. What looks like a close distance on the map is actually a 15 hour train ride. And you want to see all the major highlights in one month?! Good luck.

Hone your haggling skills – Most things require bargaining here, which can be the source of tons of stress if you’re not accustomed. As a general rule, you want to pay 50-60 % of the original asking price. I’m not promising that you’ll always be successful but it helps to have an amount in your head.

Personal space? – Doesn’t exist so get used to it. When standing in line, the person behind you will be standing so close that their genitals will be touching your ass. On trains, a whole family may try to occupy a single seat next to you, resulting in one or more children sitting on your lap/underfoot/head.

Realize that you will pay a “tourist tax” and be ok with it – Price disparity for foreigners vs Indians is pretty blatant here. No one will think twice of charging you 4 times the normal price. In fact, it’s sanctioned by the government at tourist sites, with Indian nationals and visitors being charged vastly different amounts. Keep things in perspective – in a country where the average annual income is around $500, you ARE a rich foreigner.

Decipher the Indian head wobble – People don’t nod or shake their heads to indicate yes and no. Instead, they wobble their heads from side to side, which can mean many things – yes, no, maybe, not sure or I acknowledge what you said but I’m not going to give you a straight answer. It’s up to you to suss out the meaning based on the situation.

Give yourself time to chill out – The noise, crowds, heat and pollution all combine to wear your down after a while. Make sure to take breaks often, in your hotel room, AC cafes/restaurants or head out to relaxing areas of the country.

Above all else, enjoy yourself! India will amaze you with its incredible diversity, delectable food and friendly people. While the cultural divide can be difficult, keeping yourself open will lead to memorable experiences.